Let’s talk separation anxiety. My 21-month-old son is currently experiencing it in full swing, and it is making everything more challenging. Hello, trying to go to the bathroom or leave the room for a second without my son screaming “Mama” and running after me. If this sounds familiar, you have come to the right place.

At around 20 months, children begin to understand the concept of object permanence more fully. They know we exist even when we are not visible, which makes our absence more profoundly felt. This developmental leap can lead to separation anxiety manifesting as crying, clinginess, or tantrums when we leave. My toddler is currently experiencing all three. Here are some tips we are practicing to ease that anxiety and allow this mama to get things done.

1. Practice Short Goodbyes: Start with quick separations to build your child’s confidence. A brief goodbye and a quick return can teach them that you always come back. I like to start with a game of peek-a-boo and then move on to a quick game of hide-and-seek. My son loves being surprised and giggles like crazy when I pop out. Making it a game helps ease his fears.

2. Keep Things Predictable: Use a consistent goodbye routine that reassures your child. Whether it’s a special hug, a wave through the window, or a loving phrase, consistency provides comfort. When I need to step out, I give my son a hug and tell him I love him and that I will see him soon. I then wave to him from the car.

3. Transitional Objects: A favorite toy, blanket, or even a piece of your clothing can provide comfort to your child in your absence. My son loves his lovey (who we named “Tri-blue”). We started using Tri-blue when he was just a baby, and he has formed a deep attachment to him. He now asks for Tri-blue whenever he wants to be comforted. Tip: if giving your child a lovey, make sure it is one you can easily replace. We lost a few Tri-blues already, and I was so thankful that I could easily buy another one. We now own five of them and keep one in the diaper bag, crib, and even my car. Makes things a lot easier.

4. Calm and Positive Goodbyes: Even if it’s hard, try to keep your demeanor calm and positive at departure. Your toddler picks up on your emotions, and staying upbeat can influence their reactions. I know this is hard as a mama, especially when we are tired, but I try to remind myself that it will only be this way for a small amount of time and that I should cherish all the moments, both good and bad.

5. Celebrate the Reunion: When you return, make it a happy time. This reinforces the idea that good things happen when you come back, and gradually, their anxiety will decrease. I like to make a big deal when I see him again—lots of excitement, big hugs, and kisses.

Conclusion

Separation anxiety is a phase; it reflects our toddler’s deep bond with us and their growing understanding of the world. Hopefully, these tips will help our babies build their independence and confidence. Hang in there, mamas. You are doing great!